yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
