if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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