I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
