I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
