I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
