What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
