Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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