I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
