Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
