First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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