Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
