Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
where are my eyebrows?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
