I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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