I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
