I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am available for nakedness
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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