I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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