the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this beer tastes like vomit already
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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