It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
