Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
