I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
