Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
