Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
