How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
