so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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