i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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