It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
