this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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