he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
