I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my being single is dangerous.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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