I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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