I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
