I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
