I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
