You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
