Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
