Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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