there's paper in my vomit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
