i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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