If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
