Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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