There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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