I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
