does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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