Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize