I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
