I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
