Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
