i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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