Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
