i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
