my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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