Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
