sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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