Christians are straight up FREAKS
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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