Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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