i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My cat gives me a boner
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
