She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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