dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
