I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
