New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so let's talk penis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
