WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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