On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
