If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
