Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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