All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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