im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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