im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.