Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

grinding to god bless the USA? really?

(860): View more from Connecticut

shut up

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(613): View more from Ontario

Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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(917): View more from New York City

I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM

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(845): View more from New York

I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.

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(619): View more from California

Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head

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(314): View more from Missouri

Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.

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