he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
