Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
