My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night