I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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