another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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