I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
