Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
