At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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