shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
