He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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