Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
