I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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