I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We left the knife in your bed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
