She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
