you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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