I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
