Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
