I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
